Sunday, 30 January 2011


So it was that i stood wet and loely on this strange planet. Looking round i wondered what i should perhaps wear. Though my skin was waterproof in this human form, I was beginning to feel the cold. Little bumps were rising all over my skin. Fearing i was having some kind of DNA reversion i decided I should quickly cover up.
Across the street I spotted a figure. Standing below a street lamp, the figure was wrapped in a brown material in the form of a long jacket. A wide brimmed hat sitting atop it's head.
I took out my requisator tool and pointed it at the figure. As I activated the double click I was shrouded in what I now know of as a Mackintosh and a Trilby hat. Warmth spread across my whole body. Nice.
As I walked away to find shelter I saw the figure wandering over, as he got closer he opened his coat flinging his arms wide. Unnacustomed to Earth gestures I felt that perhaps I was supposed to speak, I said 'cold isn't it!'
Assuming it was some kind of mating display I walked on as quickly as possible and resolved to remember the encounter for future reference.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011


my first thought on arriving in Britain was cold...
second came wet and then lovely.
Still I was here finally and was ready to make my first ventures into the life of earthlings.
 I would need a cover, ands so far my research had left me ill prepared. I'd been checking out the airwaves and had been looking at current film trends. The majority of these were made in a warm and bright country that really didn't resemble the place I had arrived at.
I later found out that all films are made in a place called 'on location'. this was blatantly not where I had landed. A costume change would be required, though in my mind, my current outfit was a perfect fit for wet weather. Were it not to cold I would happily have stayed in my 'Speedos' for the duration of my stay.

Saturday, 1 January 2011


 The white airplane thing had arrived to drop off stuff and the big white suited folk were prancing around banging stuff. After half scaring one of them to death and watching their tools go floating off into space, I'd figured it wasn't going to be easy to get down without detection. These beings, incidentally, speak another language in the event if mishap. It seemed that several different languages were spoken on the station but this one language, although the words sounded different, had universal understanding. interesting.
I wanted to get off there as soon as possible and the next available departure turned out to be a 'Soyuz'. On april 19th 2008 i made my final descent/
The ride didn't exactly go smoothly, I had jumped onto the vehicle just as it left the space station and my weight span it on it's side. It made for a not very comfy ride and it all ended up causing a lot of controversy on the planet. The whole thing was a cover up at first and I'll always wonder if that was because someone saw something strange that day and didn't like to say...

Wednesday, 29 December 2010


The new space station was a big thing, an international effort from many nations across Earth. I was obviously going to be dropping in at an interesting juncture in their history. Perhaps a time of peaceful co-oexistence? So far there was no sign of any weaponry, and the whole thing looked like it would fall apart if you threw as much as a pencil off it. I settled down with interest to watch the comings and goings.
There was one group in particular who seemed to have it all worked out. The Damn Americans I heard them called, with their plane things. Everyone else shooting stuff up with rockets and then chucking themselves back down. There these damn ones were just sliding alongside and then gliding away. I liked their style.
If I could hitch a ride down with one of them I'd have it made. Slip in on top of a wing, ride down in the void behind it to avoid that heat, brilliant.
So the new plan was set, I had only to pick my time...

Monday, 27 December 2010

hopefulness it happened, that my first attempt to reach Earth had failed.
The constant zipping back and forth to the moon through the planetoids history had taken it's toil. My temporal vibrator would be useless without a new power source.
My only option now was to wait for another opportunity to hitch a ride. Fortunately it did not take long to arrive.
Several years went by and a new venture was taking shape above the blue planet. A bigger more impressive and much busier structure. The comings and goings were interesting. Several parts came up bit by bit. It all kind of fit together, like some mutant 'Meccano'* set with 'Lego'* and whatever kitchen utensils could be found.
I watched with interest, cautious and concerned at what this meant. It would certainly mean a new opportunity for me to reach my goal, but what did it mean for my race? Just another platform for the humans to throw stuff from???

* toy construction sets Earth parents buy offspring to teach the adult passtime of flat pack furniture. Like the toy sets, these rarely look like the item depicted and usually have a greater or lesser number of parts than is necessary.

Saturday, 25 December 2010


...blap. I'm floating with one arm out, a line extended toward Mir. Clasp open and just about to close on the exposed piping...then it kicks in...NO!!!
Just a second, no real reasoning but this vague feeling that I should stop...I let go of the line... it all comes rushing back. Wow, that was fine timing. A split second or a hesitation and I'd be floating off towards a melty end. The empty space station fell away.
So what now, plan blown, I set the retrieve button on my ship and vowed to always charge my vibrator from now on.
Time to come up with plan B.
As I activate the gas lock on my ship a flash of red whizzes by below and I hear tingling in the distance...

Friday, 24 December 2010


...nothing. I pushed the button again. No response. I checked the power gauge, empty. Damn it, it needed charging, the battery was low.
 Isn't it always the way, when you're zapping about for the hell of it it works just fine. The one time it becomes imperative for the damn thing to work it runs low on battery.
At this point my feet were beginning to get hot, I was about to hit the atmosphere. 
I quickly keyed in 666, for the emergency number, this would give me a ten second trip back, hopefully just enough time to just before I latched on. It would be close, it can take a second for your head to catch up with the time shift, if it was a second out, I might be attatched before I realise I'm supposed to be stopping myself.
I twist the dial press the button and...